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It's Okay To NOT Be Okay





The morning was mighty rough. Rougher than most. He was hungry but didn’t want to eat. He pushed everything away, even me, but he wanted to be held. Nothing would console him. So I laid him down on my bed and let him manage his crisis himself. I sat on the bed feeling the heaviness of a very long day ahead. He came next to me, reached his hands up and I grudgingly obliged his request. He sat on my lap for a long while… just laying there with his head on my chest. I think we started the day too early and too quickly. He wasn’t ready.
Pagi ini merupakan pagi yang agak berat. Raphael mulai mengalami yang namanya "susah makan". Lapar tapi ga mau makan. benar-benar menguras kesabaran saya. biasanya kalau sudah begini, saya sudahi saja makannya, lalu taruh dia di kasur. Entah gimana sepertinya Raphael Oliver mengerti dan dengan caranya sendiri mendekati saya lalu diam saja disebelah saya dengan kepalanya di dada saya.








We have got into the habit of hand holding while riding in the car. He will scream and scream unless someone is holding his hand. Bad habit. So tonight on our way home from dinner, as I was holding his hand, he grabbed my arm firmly and pressed it up against his face. The whole way home. I watched him in the little mirror we have in the back seat as he clenched my arm against his face over and over. I melted and at that moment, I didn’t mind that that I was losing all feeling in my arm.



We got home and he had so many snuggles for me before bed. I think it was his way of consoling me… telling me I was doing an okay job, that he loves me and he is happy. Which made me happy. Very happy.
Ketika kami tiba dirumah, saya seringkali menaruh Raphael Oliver ditempat tidur saya, dan kami bermain cukup lama. Terkadang dia punya caranya sendiri untuk mengatakan bahwa semua baik-baik saja.





Life is wonderful and it can be messy, painful, reality can bite and sometimes it can just plain as white wall!
Hidup itu indah, kadang bisa menyakitkan, kadang ya biasa-biasa aja.

AND if you are one of those people who are super sensitive it may feel 10 times worse than that.

Not every day can be butterflies and rainbows. Yep! I said it! This "positive thinking, grateful for life girl" is telling you that it is OKAY to not be OKAY!  Some days are harder than others. Lets get human; we all feel sad, hurt and yes, even angry sometimes. How many of you try to shove these feelings aside because somewhere along the line, someone told you that you needed to "s*ck it up" OR "snap out of it"?
Terkadang memang hari-hari bisa menjadi berat. Tapi helloooooooooo……… kita kan hidup di dunia, jadi ya wajar saja. Ga semuanya indah bagai di surga.

If only it was that easy! Honor your feelings my friends, the healing process and the journey.
Seandainya hidup semudah itu. Hargai prosesnya, teman-teman yang ada. Dijalani saja, sehari-sehari lewat kq.




“Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”
~ Carl Jung




Tamara Budiman
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