The
morning was mighty rough. Rougher than most. He was hungry but didn’t want to
eat. He pushed everything away, even me, but he wanted to be held. Nothing
would console him. So I laid him down on my bed and let him manage his crisis
himself. I sat on the bed feeling the heaviness of a very long day ahead. He
came next to me, reached his hands up and I grudgingly obliged his request. He
sat on my lap for a long while… just laying there with his head on my chest. I
think we started the day too early and too quickly. He wasn’t ready.
Pagi ini merupakan pagi yang
agak berat. Raphael mulai mengalami yang namanya "susah makan". Lapar
tapi ga mau makan. benar-benar menguras kesabaran saya. biasanya kalau sudah
begini, saya sudahi saja makannya, lalu taruh dia di kasur. Entah gimana
sepertinya Raphael Oliver mengerti dan dengan caranya sendiri mendekati saya
lalu diam saja disebelah saya dengan kepalanya di dada saya.
We
have got into the habit of hand holding while riding in the car. He will scream
and scream unless someone is holding his hand. Bad habit. So tonight on our way
home from dinner, as I was holding his hand, he grabbed my arm firmly and
pressed it up against his face. The whole way home. I watched him in the little
mirror we have in the back seat as he clenched my arm against his face over and
over. I melted and at that moment, I didn’t mind that that I was losing all
feeling in my arm.
We
got home and he had so many snuggles for me before bed. I think it was his way
of consoling me… telling me I was doing an okay job, that he loves me and he is
happy. Which made me happy. Very happy.
Ketika kami tiba dirumah,
saya seringkali menaruh Raphael Oliver ditempat tidur saya, dan kami bermain
cukup lama. Terkadang dia punya caranya sendiri untuk mengatakan bahwa semua
baik-baik saja.
Life
is wonderful and it can be messy, painful, reality can bite and sometimes it
can just plain as white wall!
Hidup itu indah, kadang bisa
menyakitkan, kadang ya biasa-biasa aja.
AND
if you are one of those people who are super sensitive it may feel 10 times
worse than that.
Not
every day can be butterflies and rainbows. Yep! I said it! This "positive
thinking, grateful for life girl" is telling you that it is OKAY to not be
OKAY! Some days are harder than others.
Lets get human; we all feel sad, hurt and yes, even angry sometimes. How many
of you try to shove these feelings aside because somewhere along the line,
someone told you that you needed to "s*ck it up" OR "snap out of
it"?
Terkadang memang hari-hari
bisa menjadi berat. Tapi helloooooooooo……… kita kan hidup di dunia, jadi ya wajar
saja. Ga semuanya indah bagai di surga.
If
only it was that easy! Honor your feelings my friends, the healing process and
the journey.
Seandainya hidup semudah itu.
Hargai prosesnya, teman-teman yang ada. Dijalani saja, sehari-sehari lewat kq.
“Even
a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would
lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take
things as they come along with patience and equanimity.”
~
Carl Jung
Tamara Budiman
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