TAMARA BUDIMAN

There are so so many good days around here. So many smiles, perfect moments, experiences as a mother I wouldn't trade for anything. There are also times where I feel the days begin to blur into the next, where I'm deep in the trenches of motherhood, deep in the tediousness of each and every need. Work and other projects are so exciting and exhausting at the same time. One million things (it seems) pulling me in one million different directions and some days it's hard for me to handle it all emotionally... My anxiety to have everything perfect and in-line, when sometimes it is out of my control, can be tough. Begitu banyak hari-hari yang menyenangkan belakangan ini. Rasanya menjalani hidup bersama Tuhan itu membuat segala sesuatunya menjadi indah dan mudah. Terimakasih Tuhan. This is all very vague. But I'm sure so many of you know the feeling of anxiety and being completely overwhelmed. And I just want to share that it's okay! An...

The morning was mighty rough. Rougher than most. He was hungry but didn’t want to eat. He pushed everything away, even me, but he wanted to be held. Nothing would console him. So I laid him down on my bed and let him manage his crisis himself. I sat on the bed feeling the heaviness of a very long day ahead. He came next to me, reached his hands up and I grudgingly obliged his request. He sat on my lap for a long while… just laying there with his head on my chest. I think we started the day too early and too quickly. He wasn’t ready. Pagi ini merupakan pagi yang agak berat. Raphael mulai mengalami yang namanya "susah makan". Lapar tapi ga mau makan. benar-benar menguras kesabaran saya. biasanya kalau sudah begini, saya sudahi saja makannya, lalu taruh dia di kasur. Entah gimana sepertinya Raphael Oliver mengerti dan dengan caranya sendiri mendekati saya lalu diam saja disebelah saya dengan kepalanya di dada saya. We have got into the habit of hand h...

Recently, I was asked by an acquaintance when my husband and I planned to have our next child. I wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Personally, unless I am super close with someone, I refrain from asking people questions about their family planning. Even then, I’m careful to couch the question in terms like “if” or “should you choose” rather than “when.” We’ve been getting this question, it seems, since the moment our son was born, in my first month of motherhood. I can remember a handful of people eagerly asking when we planned to have our second. I remember wincing at the question, wanting to seriously question their sanity. Di Indonesia atau bahkan di wilayah Asia pada umumnya, orang itu hobi banget nanyain Kalau masih pacaran , “kapan menikah?” Kalau udah menikah tapi belum punya anak, “kapan punya anak?” Kalau udah punya anak 1, “kapan punya anak kedua?” Ini sebenarnya hanya basa basi orang saja, namun ini benar-benar irritating banget. Emangnya gamp...

Being a mom is hard work. It’s the best work, I have been in a little mommy bubble for the past month, not wanting for anyone or anything to disrupt this newness of my little guy and the whole newborn phase. Yes, sleep deprivation was expected but I have found that the real exhaustion comes from my straight up worry for everything this child does, the wonder if I am doing everything right, am I a good mother? Menjadi seorang ibu adalah kerja keras. Belakangan ini saya sedang berada dalam fase yang ga jelas. Pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang seringkali muncul di benak saya. Apakah saya ibu yang baik? Apakah yang saya lakukan sudah benar? Every cough, wheeze, gurgle, I am turning to google way too many times a day to see what the possible ailment could be. “Newborn gurgling sound in throat”, “why is my newborn’s skin peeling?”, “newborn making strange noises”. (These are real google searches from yours truly). I have yet to find solid answers. Most conclude I nee...

Motherhood is graciously nodding at the people in the grocery line who are glancing over at your a screeching child. Motherhood is a monster bag filled with diapers, wipes, snacks, snot suckers, toys, tissues, bananas and books. Motherhood is waking up a little too early and going to bed a little too late... Not to mention the other "ups" around 3-4 am. Menjadi seorang ibu adalah dengan anggunnya mengangguk pada orang-orang ketika sedang mengantri di kasir swalayan, dan semua orang menatap anak kita yang sedang mengamuk atau menangis. Menjadi seorang ibu selalu membawa tas besar berisi pampers, tisu basah, camilan dan mainan. Menjadi seorang ibu selalu bangun yang paling pagi, dan tidur yang paling malam dirumah. Motherhood is the worry, anxiety and stress about every cough, sniffle and sneeze. And the worry about the first time riding a bike, first date, first kiss. Will he have friends, will she be happy? Motherhood is questioning yourself about every...

Some days I look at you and I can't believe you are really ours. As cliche as it sounds, how did we get so lucky?! You have the sweetest heart, so much love to share. Seringkali mama menatapmu seakan tidak percaya bahwa kamu merupakan milik mama. Memang kedengarannya klise, tapi mama seringkali bersyukur dan merasa sangat beruntung, bahwa kamu memiliki hati yang termanis dengan cinta yang begitu besar. You are just one years old and are becoming oh, so brilliant. I know sometimes it is hard to communicate exactly how you are feeling... (that's when your loud screeching noise comes out that makes us all a bit crazy.) But you do your best and are using words more and more every day. Kamu baru berusia setahun namun sudah sangat pintar. Mama tahu terkadang sulit rasanya untuk berkomunikasi, karena Mama belum mengerti bahasamu dan juga sebaliknya…. (itu ketika kamu berteriak karena frustasi). Tapi kamu terus berusaha dengan sebaik-baiknya. Yo...

Awal bulan Februari kemarin adalah pertama kalinya saya dan suami mengajak Raphael Oliver traveling keluar kota dan naik mobil! Wuih, buat first timer seperti saya rasanya cukup deg-degan karena lebih banyak cerita ‘rempong’ dibanding cerita bahagia saat traveling dengan anak. Banyak juga berbagai macam pertanyaan yang ditujukan selama saya traveling, bagaimana cara ini itu dan yang paling sering adalah apakah Raphael Oliver tidak rewel. Buat saya dan suami, Raphael Oliver termasuk happy baby, nggak ribet dan cukup kooperatif. Hal ini juga diakui oleh kedua orang tua saya dan mertua, begitu juga adik-adik saya. saya sering sekali menitipkan Raphael kepada Papa saya, kata Papa saya sih Raphael hanya rewel ketika lapar dan mengantuk. Tahun ini kami ke Surabaya, alasannya karena disana adalah keluarga suami dari pihak ibunya, selain itu nggak terlalu jauh untuk latihan pertama Raphael Oliver naik pesawat.(or so we thought). Hari yang ditunggu-tunggu pun tiba. Kami...