Don’t
underestimate the power of these phrases.
Jangan
meremehkan kekuatan kalimat ini.
Happy
couples regularly say “I love you,” but those three little words alone aren’t
enough to keep the spark alive through the ups and downs of a long marriage.
Pasangan
yang bahagia seringkali mengucapkan “aku cinta kamu” atau “aku saying kamu”. Tapi
kalimat ini saja tidak cukup untuk membuat pernikahan langgeng.
To
that end, we asked relationship experts to tell us the most important phrases
husbands and wives can say to each other. Read them below:
1.
“How can I help you?”
“People
married for a half-century or more tell us to avoid the temptation to step in
and try to solve your partner’s problems. Stop thinking of yourself as the
‘white knight’ who can fix everything. The key is to really listen to your
partner and learn if he or she wants help – or just to be listened to. ‘I’m
there for you’ is more effective than ‘Here’s what you should do.’” — Karl
Andrew Pillemer, family sociologist and author of 30 Lessons for Loving
Banyak
orang dalam pernikahan selalu merasa dirinya sebagai “fixer”, atau orang yang
bisa memperbaiki segala sesuatu. Kunci sebenarnya adalah “mendengarkan”. “aku
ada untukmu” jauh lebih efektif ketimbang “ini yang kamu harus lakukan.” - Karl
Andrew Pillemer, pengarang buku 30 Lessons for Loving
2.
“I want you.“
“Letting
your spouse know you desire them in every way, including sexually, makes them
feel seen and alive and keeps the flame burning between you.” — Celeste
Hirschman, sex therapist and relationship coach
“Memberi
tahu pasanganmu, bahwa kamu menginginkannya dalam segala hal, membuat mereka
merasa hidup dan membuat api itu terus berkobar.” — Celeste Hirschman
3.
“What do you think?”
“This
simple little phrase is surprisingly powerful, especially when talking about
heated issues. I think of it as an invitation, setting the stage for an
open-minded dialogue. ‘What do you think?’ says, ‘I’m curious. Your point of
view matters as much as mine.’” — Winifred Reilly, licensed marriage and family
therapist
Kalimat
ini mengartikan bahwa pendapat pasanganmu penting, ini juga membuka jalannya
percakapan. ” — Winifred Reilly
4.
“What would I do without you?”
“When
you are sad or doubtful about events in your life, delivering this phrase to
your partner is one of the most loving gifts you can give in a marriage. You
are telling the person to whom you vowed to be with ‘till death do we part’
that you meant what you said — that he or she is a necessary force that helps
you feel happy and whole.” — Iris Krasnow, best-selling author of The Secret
Lives of Wives
Ini
membuat pasanganmu merasa bahwa dia itu penting dalam suatu hubungan, bahwa
sebenarnya dalam 1 kalimat ini saja sudah memberikan sesuatu dalam pernikahan. Hadiah
tidak harus selalu berupa barang kan, ucapan-ucapan yang berarti seperti ini
juga merupakan suatu bentuk apresiasi. — Iris Krasnow
5.
“You are so beautiful/handsome.”
“Even
though we do not want to be wanted only for our looks, we still want to be
admired and sexually attractive to our spouse. Even if it’s something like, ‘I
love when you wear that dress’ or ‘You look so handsome in that color,’ a
little remark like that can send a shiver through your partner even after many
years of marriage.” — Pepper Schwartz, professor of sociology and certified
sexologist
Walaupun
kita tidak mau orang hanya menginginkan kita dalam bentuk fisik saja, tapi
sebenarnya kalau dihargai penampilannya kita terutama wanita pasti senang
sekali. Apalagi kalau sudah susah payah di sela-sela mengurus anak, masih tetap
berusaha tampil modis itu bukan sesuatu yang mudah. Alangkah senangnya kalau
pasangan mengucapkan sesuatu.
6.
“I’m sorry.”
“When
was the last time you heard someone say that to you? ‘Sorry’ has become a word
we rarely hear today. Too many people are so protective of their image that
acknowledging a mistake is impossible for them. Healthy marriages are built
when two imperfect people are admitting and accepting of the mistakes we all
make.” — Kurt Smith, therapist who specializes in counseling for men
Meminta
maaf sekalipun tidak merasa salah. Kadang-kadang itu merupakan sesuatu yang
harus dilakukan dalam hal menjaga suatu hubungan dalam pernikahan.
7.
“Tell me all about it.”
“If
your partner has had an interesting experience, or gone on a trip, let him or
her talk about it without interruption. Show genuine interest in that great
conference she attended, his fishing trip with college buddies, or whatever it
may be. Let your partner really tell the story – we all love being listened
to!” — Karl Andrew Pillemer, family sociologist and author of 30 Lessons for
Loving
Kalau pasangan lagi cerita atau berbagi tentang
sesuatu, fokuslah untuk mendengar – semua orang suka untuk didengarkan – Karl Andrew Pillemer, pengarang buku 30
Lessons for Loving
8.
“I was wrong. You were right.”
“This
phrase is always successful in making your partner feel better about whatever
conflict has just transpired. I use this phrase a lot — even when I know my
husband was wrong and I was right!” — Iris Krasnow, best-selling author of The
Secret Lives of Wives
Bukan berarti pengecut lho kalau ngakuin diri
kita salah, malahan itu artinya kita itu berani, berani untuk mengakui
kesalahan. Tapi terkadang kalau kita benar, cuman pasangan ngotot, yaudalah
bilang aja kalau dia benar, supaya jangan adu debat terus.
9.
“I accept you as you are.”
“So
often we see couples who think marriage is about changing your partner into the
person you want them to be. Yet the most sustainable relationships are actually
built on acceptance. It is only when you accept your partner for who they are
that they feel safe enough to blossom. Plus, acceptance breeds honest, open
communication and deeper intimacy.” — Danielle Harel, sex therapist and
relationship coach
Berhentilah
mencoba untuk mengubah pasangan anda. Belajar untuk menerima pasangan kita apa
adanya. Hal ini terdengar mudah tapi sebenarnya tidak mudah sama sekali. Tapi dengan
anda bisa menerima, ini membuahkan kejujuran dan mungkin pada akhirnya pasangan
anda akan berubah dengan sendirinya.
10.
“I forgive you.”
“Pretty
regularly I hear partners in marriage counseling say their partner can recall
every wrong they’ve ever made. When you can recite such a list, forgiveness
hasn’t happened. Forgiveness doesn’t mean having no memory, but it does mean
letting go of the hurt and the need to cite the wrong again and again.” — Kurt
Smith, therapist who specializes in counseling for men
Memaafkan artinya tidak mengungkit lagi. Hayooooooo
siapa disini yang bilang sudah memaafkan tapi sebenarnya masih sering
mengungkit dan mengingat kesalahan di masa lampau.
Thank
you for reading, I’m welcome to receive any feedback, just leave your comment
below. And I have live video streaming on my snapchat everyday, just need to
add me@autumntamara.
God
bless you.
Tamara
Budiman
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